A Final Adjö

There are times in life that are simply unforgettable. Not only because certain smells, songs or situations remind you of them every now and then, but because they have utterly changed and still influence your view on life, people and events. Deep in your heart, every major decision in your life has been influenced by those times and the important experiences you’ve made back then. Everything you’ve said, done or refused to do can be justified by the things you learned there and then. No day seems to go by in which you don’t think back nostalgically, mad, frustrated, happy – but in any case deeply moved. In fact, thinking back has become a necessity, an indispensable part of your life. Of course, not everything was great then, in fact, life gave you a lot of opportunities to remember to always appreciate the good times when they’re there. But for sure was this time, all in all, the most vivid time of your life.

Everyone has their own unforgettable, big story of their life. At least I hope so. Mine is surely the time I can’t stop talking and thinking about and everyone who ever talked to me knows what I’m (once again) talking about.

From time to time it seems a bit unhealthy to me how I tend to worship my time in Sweden. But I can’t help it, it was THE time of my life. There were moments of pure happiness and pure appreciation of life. I was lucky enough to meet people with whom I really connected, who I still count to my closest friends. People I’d otherwise have never met. What a cruel thought!

In fact, there were so many incredible people who I now recall as the most open, tolerant and uncomplicated people I’ve ever met. If it wasn’t for them I would have never learned to think outside the box. I would have never been able to change so much, to finally open my mind and think different. This wildly underestimated ability is actually the one, I suppose, that was, is and will be the one lifechanging skill that I’ll hopefully always carry with me. I may forget how to speak Swedish, how to bake kanelbullar or how this disgusting ugly wine tasted, and that’s ok. But if I ever lose the ability to think outside the box, I don’t even know what life could possibly have in store for me.

But apart from the wonderful people I’ve met there, I will always remember with an indescribable mix of emotions the places I’ve seen and the craziness we’ve lived.

The first fika we got a bit wrong when we had Corona and donuts.


The time it was raining so badly and I didn’t bring an umbrella or suitable shoes for that weather. That was when I borrowed a pair of socks from a friend who always brings a second pair of socks in her handback. I do that eversince, too. I never needed them.

Our first monthiversary.


The welcome dinner: the first time I got to dance with my favourite argentinian friend. ;-)

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LeMans. The first kravall. Beer Pong.


Having vodka and beers and creating a fantastic playlist with an appopriate name.


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Moving closer to HG.

Failing to take selfies at the HG bathroom.

SEEING THE NORTHERN LIGHTS. And never being able to stop thinking about them in complete sadness. Having the impression, for the first time in life, to actually have seen it all and enough and that everything, from that time on, would feel like going backwards.


Having simply a good time celebrating my birthday.


Finding a note on my neighbour’s window.


And really, so much more.

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I know you know all this already, or you don’t know me so this doesn’t make any sense, but it’s about time I write all this down. Sweden changed me and the only people who will ever get it are those who were there with me. They get how thinking back will always be a little bit painful but still the most important thing in life. The thing I was most afraid of before I left was to forget, not people or places or feelings, those I could never forget. But to forget what kind of person I could actually be. To forget everything I learned about myself. And sometimes the only way to remember that seems to talk about it, and to try to make it understandable to all my friends who haven’t been there with me. As so often in life though, words don’t seem to be enough. But I guess it’s worth a try.

At least writing down helps closing that chapter and taking every impression, lesson and important friendship with me to lots of new chapters of my life.


Those small moments

If we are perfectly honest to ourselves for a second, we have to admit that we are all looking for them: those big changes in our lives, the billion dollar jackpot, the once-in-a-lifetime-chance, the accidental running into our future dream-husband, the discovery of your hidden talent by this hollywood-star who coincidentally asks for directions in your coffee shop or the business idea of your life. We’re all dreaming about looking back on our lives when we’re old and grumpy and saying: “kids, I wasn’t expecting much from my life as a waitress, until on a rainy day George Clooney, who is your father as you know, showed up in front of my Nespresso shop.”

Or something like that. But as much as we’re dreaming about it we are hopefully realising at the same time that it is only just a dream and are able to focus on other things in our lives. We figure out what’s really important and couldn’t care less about money. We secretly know that we would have the potential to become a Hollywood-legend but we learned to appreciate our satisfied suburban lifestyles. And that’s wonderful. No matter what kind of life we lead, we should at any time still be able to experience and fully appreciate those moments that change our lives maybe not on the surface but in our perception and in our hearts.

Reading this you might be lead to the well-known thought: “yeah sure, but… why?” I began to think about this as I was reminded by myself of my all-time favourite story regarding the discovery of my now favorite musical artist. I mentioned him in my last blogpost about the discovery of another musical project in which he participates. I started again thinking about this moment when I first heard him and was as thankful and touched just as I was back then all over again. But before I’m sharing this moment with you I want to make clear that I know that only few people can understand how the discovery of a certain musician can be so important. You must be crazy about music and hold a huge place for it in your heart and in your life. Music for me is a passion that others find in sports, books, horses, lego, food or… whatever. I’m sure you have that too.

It’s not the amazing story that you’re expecting for sure. But why else would I write such a big introduction? Well, I love writing, that’s it. Anyway. It was in eleventh grade, so I was about 15 or 16 years old when I was in France as an exchange student for only ten days. We were given an afternoon in Lyon to stroll through the city, go shopping, have a coffee and socialise. Back then I wasn’t as much into cloth shopping as my friends so I disappeared to go in a shopping center called FNAC for a while. This was the place to go for me because what they have is above all books, DVDs and CDs. So walking through paradise I finally came to the big music section. I heard some CDs and of course I only chose them by their covers. One of them caught my attention right away:

The strange atmosphere that this picture suggests fascinated me in a way. So I grabbed the CD and wanted to listen to it but sadly the first song couldn’t be played. The second song started playing and began with a rather strange men choir kind of thing but I thought: ok, sounds interesting, let’s wait if there will be some instruments… and then the guitar started playing rhythmically, other instruments were added and the song started… wow. I went on. Skinny love, the third song, didn’t convince me. But the The Wolves started playing and gave me this feeling that I’ll never forget. Somehow I’ve seldomly been this sad before but still I was grateful, happy and deeply moved. I didn’t listen to the whole CD – I put the headphones back and ran to the counter like a fool to make this CD mine and only mine.

In my host family I didn’t have a CD player and was too shy to listen to it loud with the computer anyway. So every night when I went to my room I listened to the music very low and was incredibly nervous. But still, as soon as the music started I couldn’t help but be as moved as I was never before and would never be again by any other music. This moment changed something in my life. I can’t say how or what. But the thought of never having discovered it under different circumstances  gives me the shivers.

This is a very personal story for me but still I’ve been carrying it around for years now and was always looking for a chance to share it. Telling it makes me happy. This moment that I will never forget showed me how in the end I only need few things in my life to be completely happy and satisfied no matter how hard life can be. Especially in those sad, difficult and hard times that everyone knows those are the moments to remember, not the raise you got at work five years ago. Do you have those moments too or are they yet to be created?