It is what it is

It’s a curious thing, this obsession with time that everyone seems to have. Not only have, but suffer from. I’m not excluding myself, no. I can’t deny the shivers that I get from the backwards ticking clock from Benjamin Button. I can’t deny how I’m living in the past and the future at the same time, or sometimes wishing to stop time for a while even though I never feel it going by.

How do we even perceive time? You feel it when it has passed, you fear it when it’s yet to come. But the moment it is your present, there’s not a single way to sense it. Not one.

And now, dear daily prompt, you are asking me to give you NOW. And how am I supposed to do it? By telling you that I’m sitting on a white couch right now, tiping those words, staring at my computer and blinking every once in a while? I’m sure that’s not what you want.

So I’d start by telling you what I’ve been up to since January first, which is quite a lot. I visited the most incredible places and made life-changing experiences. I cried, I laughed, I danced. I lived.

Then I’d tell you what I think life will be like in the future. How little I know about what will happen next and how much I hate this uncertainty. But that, also, is part of life.

By now you should realize that I can’t give now to you. Otherwise it would suddenly occur to me that this now is such a small window, a cage, from which we can’t escape. It’s nothing, in comparison to the amount of life I experienced in the past and will hopefully experience in the future, it’s there and with the next blink of an eye it has become the past – and yet it is everything we actually have. Funny that we seem to live to let the future become the past.

Realizing this will hopefully make me more aware of the present in the future.

Well, why not start now?

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Those small moments

If we are perfectly honest to ourselves for a second, we have to admit that we are all looking for them: those big changes in our lives, the billion dollar jackpot, the once-in-a-lifetime-chance, the accidental running into our future dream-husband, the discovery of your hidden talent by this hollywood-star who coincidentally asks for directions in your coffee shop or the business idea of your life. We’re all dreaming about looking back on our lives when we’re old and grumpy and saying: “kids, I wasn’t expecting much from my life as a waitress, until on a rainy day George Clooney, who is your father as you know, showed up in front of my Nespresso shop.”

Or something like that. But as much as we’re dreaming about it we are hopefully realising at the same time that it is only just a dream and are able to focus on other things in our lives. We figure out what’s really important and couldn’t care less about money. We secretly know that we would have the potential to become a Hollywood-legend but we learned to appreciate our satisfied suburban lifestyles. And that’s wonderful. No matter what kind of life we lead, we should at any time still be able to experience and fully appreciate those moments that change our lives maybe not on the surface but in our perception and in our hearts.

Reading this you might be lead to the well-known thought: “yeah sure, but… why?” I began to think about this as I was reminded by myself of my all-time favourite story regarding the discovery of my now favorite musical artist. I mentioned him in my last blogpost about the discovery of another musical project in which he participates. I started again thinking about this moment when I first heard him and was as thankful and touched just as I was back then all over again. But before I’m sharing this moment with you I want to make clear that I know that only few people can understand how the discovery of a certain musician can be so important. You must be crazy about music and hold a huge place for it in your heart and in your life. Music for me is a passion that others find in sports, books, horses, lego, food or… whatever. I’m sure you have that too.

It’s not the amazing story that you’re expecting for sure. But why else would I write such a big introduction? Well, I love writing, that’s it. Anyway. It was in eleventh grade, so I was about 15 or 16 years old when I was in France as an exchange student for only ten days. We were given an afternoon in Lyon to stroll through the city, go shopping, have a coffee and socialise. Back then I wasn’t as much into cloth shopping as my friends so I disappeared to go in a shopping center called FNAC for a while. This was the place to go for me because what they have is above all books, DVDs and CDs. So walking through paradise I finally came to the big music section. I heard some CDs and of course I only chose them by their covers. One of them caught my attention right away:

The strange atmosphere that this picture suggests fascinated me in a way. So I grabbed the CD and wanted to listen to it but sadly the first song couldn’t be played. The second song started playing and began with a rather strange men choir kind of thing but I thought: ok, sounds interesting, let’s wait if there will be some instruments… and then the guitar started playing rhythmically, other instruments were added and the song started… wow. I went on. Skinny love, the third song, didn’t convince me. But the The Wolves started playing and gave me this feeling that I’ll never forget. Somehow I’ve seldomly been this sad before but still I was grateful, happy and deeply moved. I didn’t listen to the whole CD – I put the headphones back and ran to the counter like a fool to make this CD mine and only mine.

In my host family I didn’t have a CD player and was too shy to listen to it loud with the computer anyway. So every night when I went to my room I listened to the music very low and was incredibly nervous. But still, as soon as the music started I couldn’t help but be as moved as I was never before and would never be again by any other music. This moment changed something in my life. I can’t say how or what. But the thought of never having discovered it under different circumstances  gives me the shivers.

This is a very personal story for me but still I’ve been carrying it around for years now and was always looking for a chance to share it. Telling it makes me happy. This moment that I will never forget showed me how in the end I only need few things in my life to be completely happy and satisfied no matter how hard life can be. Especially in those sad, difficult and hard times that everyone knows those are the moments to remember, not the raise you got at work five years ago. Do you have those moments too or are they yet to be created?